Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
