every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
