On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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