Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
