dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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