You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize