When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
