she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have already put on my inside pants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
