Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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