The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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