I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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