ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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