She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
