btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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