I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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