sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
