You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
