I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
