epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
