We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just pee around me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize