We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
