I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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