I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
