At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
