bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize