FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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