Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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