he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
