PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's blow job season.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
