I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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