it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
