I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
