Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My ATM looks so different sober.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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