yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
