I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
