the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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