There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
