i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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