Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
