Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
