I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
