OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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