I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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