I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
