I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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