i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
