oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
