Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
