remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
