i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
