She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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