I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm both gender and math confused
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