My nipple is on Facebook.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
