Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
