im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i barfeds in our rink
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
