I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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