Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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