I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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