when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
