Will you blow on my dice?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
