is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
