I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
