went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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